i wasn't born to follow

dennis hopper. you are my hero, and i am so sorry for your family. i will always be grateful for everything you achieved and survived, and i am infinitely more aware, happy, and engaged due to your creative output during the time you spent on this earth. thank you. more than you will ever know.

I will always love you, Locke.

Of all the things I could say about last night's LOST finale, this guy writes it down much better than me. One of my favorite lines last night was when Jack told the Man-In-Black in Locke's body, "You are not John Locke. You disrespect his memory by wearing his face." For me, the finale was win-win, not only because people who we grew to love over the past 6 seasons were reunited (Sawyer and Juliet, Claire and Charlie) but because my 2 favorite characters (and apologizing Ben!!) got the redemption and resolution they so desperately searched for during the course of the show. Jack, who acted like a one-track-mind crazed maniac almost every episode FINALLY got Kate and his other remaining friends off that damn Island, even if he had to die for it. And in the Sideways limbo world, seeing Jack and Christian finally get their Daddy/Son issues scrubbed out of the way really felt meaningful. Powerful stuff.

Which leads me to Locke. At the beginning of this season, all I wanted was for Locke to get SOMETHING better than what he had been given. I will never believe Locke was just a "sucker" with blind faith. "Don't tell me what I can't do" is probably my favorite line of the entire series (as it rings so personally true to my spirit) and "It has NEVER been easy" in response to Jack's dismissal of John Locke's faith is one of the truest lines ever written. I wanted the one character who believed in purpose and destiny to get a pay-off because having faith is never easy, and his level of dedication and self-motivation to find meaning is commendable and admirable, and I wish I could believe in something the way Locke believed in the Island, even if it did kill him. So when Jack made Locke walk again, and we saw that sorta-crazy-mango-mouth smile in his flash of recognition, I cried because here's Locke... NOT SMOKEY, not Benthem, not dead in a coffin... but actual LOCKE walking again, getting over the guilt of his bad father relationship and making friends with Jack. "I wish you had believed me." Jack did believe you. And he went back to the Island and he saved that place and he did it for you more than anyone else. And so when Locke forgave Ben and met Jack in the church with the words, "I've been waiting for you," I believe that Locke knew he died in the Island timeline and his death did mean something. Because Jack became a man of science with a lot of faith, and Jack saved his friends and the Island in the memory of Locke.

Of course this show will always be a part of my life, and I will think about it for a long time to come. I will always be grateful for the hours and hours of contemplation and imagination that it has given to me, for all the drunken conversations (sometimes with strangers) and for all the hope it conveyed during times of emotional turmoil in my own life. There is meaning in the connections we make with the people we love. That's what LOST asks people to close their eyes and believe. Even if polar bears and weird number sequences and freighter mercenaries threaten you at every corner. If you live together, you won't die alone.

Daddy Longlegs

Today I saw Daddy Longlegs (previously known as Go Get Some Rosemary) at IFC. The film's getting rave reviews, and the Dad, played by Ronald Bronstein, totally intrigues. He takes a completely narcissistic, unlikable character and makes you feel like his own 6 year old child who totally loves him, or at the very least, WANTS to love him. He's a despicable parent, and a great reminder for why hipsters might want to wait to have kids until they are 100% ready to be responsible and put others before themselves, but you can't help but root for him to win over his kids with whatever hair-brained scheme he's hustling. Lee Ranaldo's sons Sage and Frey play the kids, and throughout the movie I found myself worrying for these child actors... You see, the film seemed so real, and bone-chilling, even, when Dad and gf Leni put the kids into a tranquilizer-induced-almost-coma. So when, in the final act, Lee Ranaldo himself shows up as the kids' step father in the movie, you can't help but breathe a sigh of relief that their actual father is so, actually there for them even during the film's process of creation.

Going to Acapulco

Thank you, Mexico, for the time of my life!



Back to NYC. Yesterday evening I wanted to cry into my pillow but had to work the graveyard shift. But no matter. Guess which classic NYC goon I spoke to on the phone at 5 in the morning. I'll give you a hint. Homeboy ordered large fries, chicken tenders, apple pie and vanilla ice cream, 2 large water bottles and a Diet Coke because he's so, so tall, and he must still be growing. Ugh, I guess coming back to reality ain't so bad!